FEMA Takes Back Apology for Phony Press Conference
Washington, DC, On the heels of it's own apology for holding a phony news conference last Tuesday, FEMA Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson announced Sunday that he was taking back his apology claiming that he was only following standard White House procedures.
Citing such personalities as Jeff Gannon, the Republican operative and former gay prostitute who was accepted into the White House Press Corps, Johnson stated that it has been U.S. government policy for almost seven years to hold phony news conferences. "Frankly, I don't understand why everyone's so upset." He stated, "it's as if I just informed everyone that Santa Claus is a myth or that the government is monitoring your bathroom habits."
Quick to respond to this latest crisis, Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security which has authority over FEMA stated that while it was true that Johnson had only been following standard government procedures, it was also standard procedure in these cases to blame a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.
Michael Chertoff stepped in personally to remove Mr. Johnson of his name badge and FEMA Vest, and informed him that he could no longer tell people about FEMA's fried pickles. He was then sent overseas to an undisclosed location for re-Neducation.
Congress also acted swiftly to chastise Mr. Johnson for his remarks. Rep. Jerry Lewis (R) put forth an amendment condemning Mr. Johnson for his remarks about Santa Claus. The measure was quickly challenged by Speaker Nancy Pelosi who accused the Representative Lewis of wasting the Congress's time. She did allow the vote however which passed overwhelmingly 341-79.
Citing such personalities as Jeff Gannon, the Republican operative and former gay prostitute who was accepted into the White House Press Corps, Johnson stated that it has been U.S. government policy for almost seven years to hold phony news conferences. "Frankly, I don't understand why everyone's so upset." He stated, "it's as if I just informed everyone that Santa Claus is a myth or that the government is monitoring your bathroom habits."
Quick to respond to this latest crisis, Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security which has authority over FEMA stated that while it was true that Johnson had only been following standard government procedures, it was also standard procedure in these cases to blame a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.
Michael Chertoff stepped in personally to remove Mr. Johnson of his name badge and FEMA Vest, and informed him that he could no longer tell people about FEMA's fried pickles. He was then sent overseas to an undisclosed location for re-Neducation.
Congress also acted swiftly to chastise Mr. Johnson for his remarks. Rep. Jerry Lewis (R) put forth an amendment condemning Mr. Johnson for his remarks about Santa Claus. The measure was quickly challenged by Speaker Nancy Pelosi who accused the Representative Lewis of wasting the Congress's time. She did allow the vote however which passed overwhelmingly 341-79.
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Old Media Ablaze Over Staged FEMA Presser
Liberal activists and the Old Media are aghast and outraged over a press conference conducted last Tuesday by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Reporters were only able to listen to a department spokesman respond to questions about relief efforts for the California wildfires posed by other members of the FEMA staff. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff appropriately chastised the sham press conference and promised an investigation and disciplinary action and the White House expressed its displeasure with the incident.
Surely no one at FEMA believed that the staged event would not immediately be discovered and criticized. What could the motivation have been for such a stunt? Perhaps FEMA wanted an opportunity to present its version of events before the Old Media created its own reality about the fires and the actions of the agency. News consumers had already listened to reporters making comparisons to the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and attempting to find fault with the handling of relief efforts. California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had to take ABC’s Claire Shipman by the hand to convince her that everything possible was being done and that she should stop trying to invent mistakes and shortcomings. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other environuts demagogued the tragedy as evidence of the effect of global warming, while California Democrats like Sen. Barbara Boxer and Lt. Governor John Garamendi incorrectly claimed that relief efforts were impeded by having troops and equipment in Iraq.
One of the lessons learned in the wake of Katrina is how the unaccountable Old Media are able to create a false impression that their ideological soul mates in the Democratic Party use for political advantage. In my book, “The Great Media War: A Battlefield Report”, I detail the flawed coverage of one of the greatest natural disasters in American history – a record that has yet to be corrected.
When I learned of the fake news conference, I expected that the characterization of Jeff Gannon as a “phony reporter” would be revived. Liberal media activist Keith Olbermann noted it on his nightly train wreck of a talk show and the lefties of the blogosphere dutifully repeated it ad nauseum. This is a classic case of how a lie becomes reality, since the record proves otherwise. I was as real as a reporter gets, writing over 500 articles as a White House correspondent, a job that Secret Service records indicate I actually showed up for more than 200 times over the course of two years. The veracity of my work as a reporter has never been successfully challenged.
Further, in 2006 – a year after my supposed exposure as a “phony reporter” - my peers accepted me into the National Press Club, the most prestigious association of professional journalists in the world. My book about the media will be featured at the National Press Club’s 30th annual book fair on November 1. Not bad for a “fake, fraud and phony.”
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Thank you for your comment Jeff, your remarks are almost as funny as my post intended to be. Just in case you missed the point of this blog, it's satire:
sat·ire /ˈsætaɪər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sat-ahyuhr] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
from Dictionary.com
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While I am well aware of what Chertoff said about the phony press conference, I strongly doubt that such a stunt was pulled off without his prior knowledge. Had the stunt worked I have suspect we'd see Dana Perino standing in front of department store mannequins every day while questions like: "Why is the president so popular?" would be piped in from a hidden control room.
I find your cliche' of the "liberal media" laughable. If there is a liberal media as you and so many other conservatives like to claim, where were they during the build up to the war in Iraq? Not one major media outlet in the US disputed the ridiculous claims of Iraq being "45 minutes from a nuclear weapon" or all the other BS about WMD's that had the rest of the world press (not counting those owned by Rupert Murdoch) laughing their asses off at us. Every major media outlet in the US is either owned by a right wing zealot like Murdoch or Clear Channel Broadcasting, or large corporations like GE (NBC) who are making millions off of the Iraq War.
As for your work as a reporter, Media Matters demonstrated on more than one occasion that your articles were lifted directly from the RNC without attributing them as a source. As for your book, I think it's great that you wrote a book about the media, it's like Larry Craig writing one about "family values or Scoote Libby writing about Ethics."
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