Editor in Chief Returns After Unexpected Hiatus
April 29, 2009 Paicines, CA: After a long and unexpected hiatus, the Editor in Chief of Parabolic Mirror, John McNally, has returned to his former post. We the non-existent staff here welcome him with open arms. When asked where he has been for the past eight months, Mr. McNally surprised us all by telling us that he has been working undercover for the RNC Think Tank: The Conservative Enterprise Foundation which has been directing Republican strategy for the past year.
"It wasn't really a planned operation." McNally explained, "Many years ago I signed up to a Conservative newsletter under the alias Odgen Thortensen. I did so at the time to get another source for Parabolic Mirror. I barely participated, but made sure to occasionally reply to science based posts with 'that's not in the Bible' and anything involving government spending with 'the road to Europe is paved with socialist intentions.' Little did I know that my lengthy periods of silence gave me the reputation of being deep. Before I knew it, prominent Republicans were sending me private messages asking me for advice. My first major bit of advice was for John McCain to pick Sarah Palin as his running mate. I thought for sure that would expose me but to my shock they actually went with it."
"Then I was invited to speak at the Conservative Enterprise Foundation, I had no idea it was basically a job interview. I wrote the funniest, most brainless speech I could imagine. I told them the future of the Republican party was in doubling down on on key issues: No Global Warming, no government spending, and tell the country that "everything is just fine. When it was finished, they offered me a position, they even had my name on a brass doorplate, how could I say no to that?"
"Every morning thereafter," McNally continued, "I would play the part of Odgen Thortonsen, dolling out bits of useless advice that made Rush Limbaugh sound liberal. I helped Bobby Jindal write his reubuttal to President Obama's Inauguration speech, and endorsed New Gingrich as the candidate for 2012. My most recent act was to coach John Boehner on global warming, telling him that CO2 was the gas cows produced when they farted."
"Of course, this post might blow Ogden's cover, but then again, Ogden might inform his right wing buddies that this is all a fantasy cooked up by the liberal media, which of course is true - or is it?"
"It wasn't really a planned operation." McNally explained, "Many years ago I signed up to a Conservative newsletter under the alias Odgen Thortensen. I did so at the time to get another source for Parabolic Mirror. I barely participated, but made sure to occasionally reply to science based posts with 'that's not in the Bible' and anything involving government spending with 'the road to Europe is paved with socialist intentions.' Little did I know that my lengthy periods of silence gave me the reputation of being deep. Before I knew it, prominent Republicans were sending me private messages asking me for advice. My first major bit of advice was for John McCain to pick Sarah Palin as his running mate. I thought for sure that would expose me but to my shock they actually went with it."
"Then I was invited to speak at the Conservative Enterprise Foundation, I had no idea it was basically a job interview. I wrote the funniest, most brainless speech I could imagine. I told them the future of the Republican party was in doubling down on on key issues: No Global Warming, no government spending, and tell the country that "everything is just fine. When it was finished, they offered me a position, they even had my name on a brass doorplate, how could I say no to that?"
"Every morning thereafter," McNally continued, "I would play the part of Odgen Thortonsen, dolling out bits of useless advice that made Rush Limbaugh sound liberal. I helped Bobby Jindal write his reubuttal to President Obama's Inauguration speech, and endorsed New Gingrich as the candidate for 2012. My most recent act was to coach John Boehner on global warming, telling him that CO2 was the gas cows produced when they farted."
"Of course, this post might blow Ogden's cover, but then again, Ogden might inform his right wing buddies that this is all a fantasy cooked up by the liberal media, which of course is true - or is it?"
Labels: Satire
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