Obama Nominates Jerry Springer to Supreme Court

Washington DC- In a move that initially shocked Republicans and Democrats alike, President Obama announced his pick for the Supreme Court today, talk show host Jerry Springer.

Speaking to a special session of the Senate, Obama stated that "Despite his lack of judicial experience, Jerry is an excellent mediator who acts with compassion and integrity. I have complete confidence that he will execute his new office with the same dignity and high minded behavior that he has demonstrated on his television program over the years." Obama went on to say that the Supreme Court would be getting an "extreme makeover" for the 21st century, with a more open format based on Springer's television show.

Springer, who is 65 has no professional legal experience, but he has served in public office as the Mayor of Cincinnati in 1977. His television show has been on the air since 1991, and it's rumored that his vast fortune is second only to Oprah Winfrey's.

Springer said he was honored by the nomination, and only hoped the other justices would be open to updating the stodgy image of the court to one that would really allow plaintiffs and defendants to fully express themselves. "People are passionate about the law," said Springer, "but you'd never know it watching these dull, somber proceedings."

The nomination was met with skepticism at first, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was actually caught on camera rolling his eyes, but with a more positive reaction from his Republican colleagues, Springer's nomination began to get traction.

Senator Elizabeth Dole was the first to openly express support stating "I love Jerry Springer! I never miss an episode." Later on she expressed a bit of regret when Springer indicated he would be unable to continue his program should his nomination be approved.

Minority Leader Mitch McConnnell made the Republican stamp of approval when he remarked "Springer is a lot less liberal than most of the candidates we expected, we kept expecting Bill Mahr or Oprah Winfrey to be named."

There were still some Democrats strongly opposed to the nomination though. Senator Chuck Schumer of New York has promised to lead a filibuster and block the appointment. "It's not just because Springer is dangerously unqualified for such a high office, but we were promised former New York City Mayor Ed Koch, who resided over the People's Court for  several seasons."

When asked to comment on the Ed Koch appointment, White House Press Secretary said that Koch was considered but never promised. "We had to go with the Justice who would draw the highest ratings, and that person is Jerry Springer."