Publisher Confirms Bush Unknowingly Knew Nothing
November 23, 2007, WASHINGTON - Scott McClellan shocked the country earlier this week by releasing a teaser from his upcoming book: In A World Of Stooges, I Was Barely The Second Curly" McClellan stated that he "unknowingly passed on false information" and named "the president himself" as one of the people who passed this information. But after a brief visit from the NSA, Peter Osnos editor and chief of Public Affairs Books has promised that McClellan "did not intend to suggest that Bush lied to him."
"In fact," Osnos states: "Scott has made it clear to me that Bush knew nothing of any events taking place within his administration, and any information passed onto Scott was done only knowing that he wasn't aware of having any knowledge of knowing the words that were flowing from his lips. Furthermore, the President was in an altered state of consciousness during the writing of any memos, therefore knew not what he had written nor does he know not whether what he wrote was actually what was given to Scott McClellan at the time."
When asked to clarify his statements Mr. Osnos held up two heavily bandaged fingers and simply said: "I have to go now."
A later press release from Public Affairs Books has noted that the book is being rechecked for accuracy and promises that it will be a glowing memoir of life in the most honest and dignified Administration in history.
"In fact," Osnos states: "Scott has made it clear to me that Bush knew nothing of any events taking place within his administration, and any information passed onto Scott was done only knowing that he wasn't aware of having any knowledge of knowing the words that were flowing from his lips. Furthermore, the President was in an altered state of consciousness during the writing of any memos, therefore knew not what he had written nor does he know not whether what he wrote was actually what was given to Scott McClellan at the time."
When asked to clarify his statements Mr. Osnos held up two heavily bandaged fingers and simply said: "I have to go now."
A later press release from Public Affairs Books has noted that the book is being rechecked for accuracy and promises that it will be a glowing memoir of life in the most honest and dignified Administration in history.
November 6, 2007
Chinese Satellite Momentarily Blocks Alien Mind Control Ray
Washington DC, Transmissions from the Chinese satellite that recently entered lunar orbit interfered with an alien mind control device which is situated on the dark side of the Moon. The interference only lasted about forty five minutes, but managed to cause great chaos in Congress as many Republicans found themselves able to think independently for the first time in years.
The interruption took place as Congressman Dennis Kucinich was bringing HR. 333 to the floor, a resolution to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. Republicans, who were expected to vote in favor of tabling the resolution found themselves suddenly able to think again, and began changing their votes in favor of debating the issue.
The change was short lived though, as soon as the secret alien overlords caught on to what was happening, they changed transmission frequencies and the Republicans in Congress slipped back into their customary drooling stupor.
Dennis Kucinich may have scored a small political victory, as the resolution was ordered to the House Judiciary committee where it may yet get a full hearing. However it is unlikely that the measure will ever reach the House floor, as the Republican members of Congress began chanting the word "Brains!" and attacking their Democratic rivals.
The interruption took place as Congressman Dennis Kucinich was bringing HR. 333 to the floor, a resolution to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. Republicans, who were expected to vote in favor of tabling the resolution found themselves suddenly able to think again, and began changing their votes in favor of debating the issue.
The change was short lived though, as soon as the secret alien overlords caught on to what was happening, they changed transmission frequencies and the Republicans in Congress slipped back into their customary drooling stupor.
Dennis Kucinich may have scored a small political victory, as the resolution was ordered to the House Judiciary committee where it may yet get a full hearing. However it is unlikely that the measure will ever reach the House floor, as the Republican members of Congress began chanting the word "Brains!" and attacking their Democratic rivals.
